Lasting Impressions

2012-02-13T10:38:00.003Z

But I'm a man, of dust and stains,
You move in me, so I can say,

"Here I am, Lord send me.
All of my life, I make an offering.
Here I am, Lord send me.
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan.
Here I am."

Setbacks and failures, and upset plans,
Test my faith and leave me with empty hands.
Are You not the closest when it's hardest to stand?
I know that You will finish what You began.

2012-02-03T14:56:00.005Z

On days when i am less busy, i feel like i ought to be taking some time out to fellowship, to read fiction, to listen to audio sermons, to basically do the things that i love. I literally have a stack of books sitting on my window still, waiting to be read. I also hate the fact that law requires so much reading, that i can't play audio sermons while i am studying and expect to absorb content from both ends (like i did during O's and A's).

As the saying goes, life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans. Today is the day that God has made, i WILL rejoice and be glad in it.

2012-01-25T20:08:00.006Z

....it is not possible to change the way i feel about God.
When i delve into His love, i feel alive, loved and whole.
It's undeniable.

In His presence, i am made new.

2012-01-24T19:18:00.003Z

.......TRUE STORY

2012-01-12T11:12:00.006Z

On my way here i decided that i will probably wind up marrying someone i can live with, not someone i can't live without. And the best thing is, i am actually going to feel alright about it. I can go through the motions, devoid of emotions for ten, twenty, or even thirty years. I can do the dishes for someone i don't love. I can make a living with someone i don't feel for. It will be easy to sink into that sort of a routine. Passion is not what sustains us, my friend - it is Love that keeps us going. What is our time on this earth anyway? It means nothing. It is minutely insignificant in the greater and grander scheme of things.

Perhaps I wasn't made to feel the way others feel. I was made to be alone, but not unLoved.

2012-01-07T08:28:00.001Z

Thank you, chloe

2012-01-03T06:37:00.008Z

“We live in time - it holds us and molds us - but I never felt I understood it very well. And I'm not referring to theories about how it bends and doubles back, or may exist elsewhere in parallel versions. No, I mean ordinary, everyday time, which clocks and watches assure us passes regularly: tick-tock, click-clock. Is there anything more plausible than a second hand? And yet it takes only the smallest pleasure or pain to teach us time's malleability. Some emotions speed it up, others slow it down; occasionally, it seems to go missing - until the eventual point when it really does go missing, never to return.”
― Julian Barnes, The Sense of an Ending

2 more days before i return to London.

I love law, and the freedom of studying abroad ― but if given a choice i'd choose to remain at a particular point in time when i am here. Home, but suspended between London and Singapore. If given a choice i'd stay at Christmas 2011 forever.

2012-01-01T05:00:00.008Z

Happy new year, everyone! I ended the year on a revolving tower with a few of my closer relatives, going through a collection of Carol Ann Duffy's poems with my cousin. I remember feeling very blessed. 2011 was an exceptional year. It will be remembered as the year i travelled solo, and juggled shifts for two exciting part-time jobs. It will be remembered as the year i got my driving license (thank you, God), and the year i did bikram yoga every single day of the week. Most importantly, 2011 will be remembered as the year i made one of the biggest decisions in my life.. and the course of my life changed indefinitely as a result.

To God, to my ever loving family, to my friends, and to everyone who walked into my life and made a mark in my heart - thank you for making it such an amazing year. May 2012 be the year that we find what we have been looking for all this while, and if not, see God's hand in that aspect of our lives. He knows what is ahead of us, and He loves us more than we can comprehend.

Valentine by Carol Ann Duffy

Not a red rose or a satin heart.

I give you an onion.
It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.
It promises light
like the careful undressing of love.

Here.
It will blind you with tears
like a lover.
It will make your reflection
a wobbling photo of grief.

I am trying to be truthful.

Not a cute card or a kissogram.

I give you an onion.
Its fierce kiss will stay on your lips,
possessive and faithful
as we are,
for as long as we are.

Take it.
Its platinum loops shrink to a wedding-ring,
if you like.

Lethal.
Its scent will cling to your fingers,
cling to your knife.

2011-12-30T05:26:00.000Z

I love, I love, I love, I love the way you hold me~ ^^

2011-12-28T09:41:00.001Z

For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are - Romans 8:19

2011-12-24T05:31:00.003Z

2011-12-21T14:43:00.010Z

Awww ♥

2011-12-17T15:33:00.003Z

I can never grow tired of this~~

2011-12-15T18:27:00.011Z

Oh the shame that sent me off from the God that I once loved
Was the same that sent me into your arms
Oh and pestilence is won when you are lost and I am gone
And no hope, no hope will overcome

And if your strife strikes at your sleep
Remember spring swaps snow for leaves
You'll be happy and wholesome again
When the city clears and sun ascends

And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no"

And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no
This time no"

2011-12-14T17:46:00.001Z

My first term at law school has passed. I just want to say that in spite of all it's challenges, and the fact that i'm not doing all that brilliantly in my classes.. i am still as in love with my course as i was five years ago.

No regrets.

I don't have to be the best lawyer around (and i doubt that i ever will be). I don't have to be the most well-connected, well-versed in law or well-trained in advocacy. I just need to be the kind of lawyer that God has made me out to be :) Oh i have so much to be thankful for. I feel so blessed.
..OK now back to EU law.

2011-12-12T16:57:00.001Z

Hands

My hands have been redeemed by His hands. Oh what shame it is! For i have, with these very hands, ripped two souls apart. This is the reason why my wretched hands cannot be held. They don't deserve to be held. They are to be lifted high to the One who loved us from the beginning, who loved us more than Himself.

Heart

My heart belongs with Him. It wavered when you came along. Oh what shame it is! For i have acted without conviction, and traded one heart for two broken hearts. This is the reason why i have never spoken those three words. I cannot speak of love till i finally understand that His love for me is more than enough.

Song

My voice sings praises to Him. Then you came and sang me to sleep. Oh what shame it is! Being in love ought to be a beautiful thing, but my parched soul has no song to sing. This is the reason why i haven't been singing to your mixtape.

It is simply because i am His.
(not yours)
-

2011-12-12T01:23:00.008Z

Happy happy birthday Lou!

Nine years and counting :') I was just looking at our texts and i am so thankful that we've always been together, for each other, in every moment of our lives. Being apart doesn't change a single thing between us (SORRY ABOUT THE PHONECALL!!). I love you so much and you are very precious to me.

May you be very loved, and very blessed in the upcoming year. And thank you for being in my life <3

2011-12-10T18:08:00.000Z

It's our true friends and families
And the memories we recall
It's a love we share that fills the air
And makes this the best Christmas of all

:')

2011-12-06T23:25:00.009Z

let all go – the
big small middling
tall bigger really
the biggest and all
things – let all go
dear

so comes love

(extracted from let it go by E.E Cummings)

2011-12-04T21:59:00.003Z

I wake filled with thoughts of you. Your portrait and the intoxicating evening which we spent yesterday have left my senses in turmoil.
Sweet incomparable Josephine, what a strange effect you have on my heart!
Are you angry?
Do I see you looking sad? Are you worried?
...
My soul aches with sorrow, and there can be no rest for your lover; but is there still more in store for me when, yielding to the profound feelings which overwhelm me, I draw from your lips, from your heart a love which consumes me with fire? Ah! it was last night that I fully realized how false an image of you your portrait gives!
You are leaving at noon; I shall see you in three hours.
Until then, mio dolce amor, a thousand kisses; but give me none in return, for they set my blood on fire.

Napoleon Bonaparte to Josephine De Beauharnais
Paris, December 1795

This means nothing special. I just like it because it speaks to me. Not quite poignant, but so exceptionally beautiful.

Manchester, Greater Manchester, England

2011-12-03T00:47:00.008Z

Tring, Hertfordshire, England

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

My very first moot went okay! :) It was such a good experience with Sam, and thank you God for seeing the both of us through.

The week has left me inexplicably worn out. It had been such a long week, both physically and emotionally. I've been spending time with people way too often, and hearing so many conflicting voices in my head gives me a headache. I am more than desperate to be left alone. To be with Jiejie and Cherlyn in Manchester. For the only voice i've been struggling to hear all this while is His still small voice. Everything else is secondary.

2011-11-30T20:38:00.002Z

Better to not have loved at all, than to have loved and lost.

2011-11-23T17:35:00.018Z

There is none greater in this house than I; neither hath he kept back any thing from me but thee, because thou art his wife: how then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God? - Genesis 39:9

I've finally understood why God kept me single all these years. I never fully understood His love for me, and i cannot love until i know how much He first loved me.

I attended law mentoring today. Being around those kids made me really, really happy. These children have such brave ambitions and hope for the future. Their thoughts are beautiful - pure, clean, and transparent. I've never felt so alive in the Franklin-Wilkins building before. Then i remembered that i was like them when i was their age. I wanted to be a lawyer so badly, it burned on the inside of me. But something has changed within me. Now that we're all in law school, the flame has gone out. Everything is just a mere mess, a chaotic blur. It feels like we're doing all of this just to get by. I've grown older, but not in a good way i think. God, make my heart young again.

I ought to get more involved in this area of pro bono work. I love these kids so much, and they inspire me in ways that they'll never know. I hope God holds their hand like He'd held mine through those years. I hope they find God's purpose for them in their lives.

Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me.

2011-11-22T12:54:00.004Z

Sings my soul of how
Your love has set me free
Sings my heart of how
Your mercy rescued me
Hear my cry of endless love
To my Saviour and to my King
My heart is overwhelmed
Sings my soul of how
Your love has set me free
Sings my heart of how
Your mercy rescued me
Hear my cry of endless love
To my Saviour and to my King
My heart is overwhelmed

- My Heart Is Overwhelmed, Hillsong Live

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her." - Maya Angelou

2011-11-17T19:31:00.017Z

“The more I know of the world, the more I am convinced that I shall never see a man whom I can really love. I require so much!”― Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility

2011-11-15T00:34:00.003Z

Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom."
Jesus answered him, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise."

Luke 23:42-43

2011-11-14T00:19:00.001Z

Can't wait to be home for Christmas :')

2011-11-09T15:08:00.007Z

It's 3:15pm in London, and the sun is already starting to set on this side of the globe. Things have become much worse ever since the day light saving clock change. I'm going to try to wake up earlier to run, so that my day feels longer (making a mental note to turn in early every night). When you think about it, every day should be precious in some way or another. I don't like to be made to feel as though i'm just getting by.

2011-11-06T14:08:00.002Z

PARDON ME IF I'M THE LAST PERSON WHO'VE HEARD THIS..
So, so good :'D

2011-11-04T19:50:00.020Z

TEAM PRAGUE 2011

Prague was beautiful, and this team of people are amazing. I'm still waiting for all my emotions regarding the trip to subside.

"Dont do all these things you would have told yourself you wouldn't do a few months ago before you came."

I tell my sister everything for accountability. Frankly speaking, my world has never been as chaotic and unclean as it had been for the past month. I am ashamed and reluctant to get used to this unconstructive drama. Telling my sister these things doesn't change what happened, but it does give me a more mature perspective towards it. I feel like if i don't tell her the things that are weighing heavy on my heart, i will spontaneously implode. I know that God places people in our lives for reasons that may or may not be made known to us, but her purpose in my life is just so clear to me. I love and trust her more than anyone else in this world.

2011-10-30T00:19:00.007+01:00

I think i subconsciously buy groceries to fill my emotional void.

2011-10-24T16:47:00.015+01:00

It's all too easy to forget that we've only been here for over a month or so. It is true that we've gotten used to this city and all her idiosyncrasies, but there is a fine line between habit and familiarity. London is not home to me, for home is a place you actually feel for and i feel nothing for this city. No wait, i feel nothing in this city. Nothing fills me up with joy or sadness anymore. I am devoid of emotions here.

I think i need to retreat and be with God for a long, long while. I am not homesick - i just miss the people who make up home.. and the way they used to make me feel.

Being away is a complicated thing.

2011-10-23T02:20:00.004+01:00

"You sleep talk.. you know that?"

I've been spending time with Mel, enclaved in so much familiarity i've almost forgotten how to put my guard up. She's the best ending to my crappy, crappy week <3

2011-10-15T11:33:00.004+01:00

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still You hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
And You've told me who I am

I am Yours

So good to be alone and at rest in the morning - even if it's just for awhile :)

2011-10-10T19:55:00.003+01:00

Dreamt that i was back at stnicks last night. It felt so real. Woke up to yet another 9am lecture at Waterloo and i wanted to cry. That part of my life will forever be gone. I've worked five years to get into law school.. just to work even more.

Where is the end of the line?

2011-10-08T22:54:00.001+01:00

Jie jie and I Facetime papa mama hehe ♥

2011-10-06T23:42:00.007+01:00

So glad to be leaving for manchester tomorrow. Like an oasis in the midst of this drought.

2011-09-30T16:57:00.000+01:00

On this side of the globe!

2011-09-28T21:04:00.010+01:00

I will never forget the look on my mother's face when they were getting into the cab to leave for the airport. No, not in this lifetime. It was the most painful look she has ever given me. I have never seen so much love in someone's eyes.

I cried my way home.

2011-09-24T18:00:00.006+01:00

I miss church + cell so, so badly. I've been warned so many times before i came, but that doesn't change the way i feel when i'm here. It's just not the same. Cried for the first time in London when i opened Lou's letter yesterday afternoon. Lou if you're reading this (and i know you are), just know that i love you so much and you will always have me.

Loneliness is when you have so many people you can just call and jio, but you don't feel like talking to any of them.

2011-09-22T23:51:00.007+01:00

Incredibly grateful to have found some me time in midst of freshers' week. We've been meeting new people drinking seeing new things all day, all night, all week. When i stumble back to my room each night i'm just too exhausted to think. So when the opportunity arose i literally ran back to hall, grabbed my track shoes/shorts and quickly made my way to ULU just to gym before it closes. I went home without showering (go back then shower) but it was still worth it.

2011-09-17T16:06:00.001+01:00

I love my crazy friends :)

2011-09-16T23:21:00.005+01:00

I'm still getting used to London. To have to frantically reply all my friends at noon time before it's bed time on the other side. To have to learn how to handle big things on my own. There's so much to write about London but it's all too overwhelming, and frankly speaking, none of this feels real. Definitely missing the people back home.

Everyday i stumble upon somewhere exciting, or i meet someone new. I pray i never get tired of this change.

Moving in tomorrow!

2011-09-08T17:14:00.014+01:00

Day 10:

Best advice i've been given this year: Don't ever get yourself into a long-distance relationship.

Being so apart would have hurt so badly D:

2011-09-05T18:14:00.010+01:00

Day 7:

Forced myself to stay in just to pack. It took almost all day because there is a limit as to how fast one can fold cotton tops while watching Big Bang Theory. The layout of my suitcase's contents is my pièce de résistance, it's so incredibly neat you could draw grids over it. Am up to 43kgs now, good Lord i need to stop stuffing stuff into my luggage.

If my sister knew i was up at 1:30am she would kill me, then i'll forever be at savasana, the dead body pose. It feels weird without her around.

2011-09-04T17:44:00.008+01:00

Day 6:

Just sent jie jie off at the airport. The thought of seeing her again in two weeks' time makes me feel very, very blessed. I love her so much and i am proud to be her baby sister.

2011-09-01T18:02:00.016+01:00

Day 3:

I have so many photos of food+friends, i can't even be bothered to upload them anymore. I cannot wait for my Moleskine to arrive, i'm so sick and tired of having to type out on my phone all the things that has been happening in my life so that i wouldn't forget. I want my Moleskine i want to write and draw nice things. I want to have somewhere to place my keepsakes. I want something concrete to hold.

Abruptly thankful that i'll be flying off on the 12th instead of the 4th like my sister. There's still so much to do before i go.. so many faces i have to see for "one last time", so many places to visit before i go. I've been at this for more than a month now, but every time i tick off a place i've been to, somewhere new pops up concurrently and i make a mental note to visit it. I find myself wanting to see all these people not just once, or twice, but over and over again.

You will never be ready to go until reality gives you a good shove.

2011-08-31T05:08:00.009+01:00

Day 1:

The concept of leaving takes on a different emotional manifestation each day. It's not well with me this morning.

2011-08-30T04:04:00.003+01:00

Now all I am
I lay at Your feet
I'm humbled by the wonder of Your majesty
One thing I know
I find all I need
In Your unending love
In Your unending love

2011-08-29T08:16:00.003+01:00

2011-08-16T17:35:00.004+01:00

"How blessed are those who are pure in heart, because it is they who will see God!" - Matthew 5:8

Incredibly busy days ahead but i am so EXCITED ABOUT THE THINGS TO COME!

2011-08-15T15:59:00.003+01:00

EXPECTED:

amazing nails retrieved from tumblr..

REALITY:

some screwed up shit.

Story of my life ):

2011-08-12T17:54:00.001+01:00

LOL I THINK I GET THIS....

2011-08-11T17:23:00.009+01:00

Starbucks Coffee @ St Katherine Docks, Greater London, United Kingdom

Credits to JChighman on flickr

This is idyllic!

Thinking of working as a barista over there during summer break. Transferable skills FTW hehe~

2011-08-11T16:23:00.012+01:00

My heart’s a stereo
It beats for you so listen close
Hear my thoughts in every note, oh oh

We crashed NUS today, i was the last one to reach because i got so very very lost in the school. Oh the awkward moment when you start off at the science faculty, walked what seemed like miles, you turn to your left.. and you STILL see the science faculty. It was like the freaking mirror maze. I was so glad when i managed to find everyone in the end. We settled down at UCC and talked just like the old times. I'm gonna miss everyone so much.

Met Mel for dinner after that - I like that meeting her every week is steadily becoming a routine.

Jie and I are gonna shop for rice cookers tomorrow! Kept trying to imagine us lugging rice cookers and other miscellaneous household items up bus 142 tomorrow evening. It should be mildly amusing.

2011-08-09T14:57:00.012+01:00

Tea @ Arteastiq

It's our nation's birthday. All 18 years of my life i have lived on this island. I have savoured her glorious food. I have whined about her weather. She has educated me, made me who i am today, given me my dreams and the wings to achieve it. She has taught me how to hope! 饮水思源 - I am thankful. In a month's time i will pack all 18 years of my life into suitcases. I'll go to England and live that dream. I pray that when i'm there i will not stray. That i, too, can be counted on to give my best and more.

When i think back about the past few weeks all i can recall is good food, friends, yoga lessons.. and a fervent attempt to keep calm and carry on with the thousand billion things we have to settle before we leave. I've recently got my hands on American Gods, Brave New World, The Handmaid's Tale and The Bell Jar. I know, i can't believe i haven't read all these classics either. What have i been doing, living under a rock?! They should take me up right up till my departure day.

After a while, you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With the grace of a woman,
not the grief of a child,
And learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight
And after a while, you learn

That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure…
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn
and learn…

With every goodbye, you learn.

Learn With Every Goodbye
– Veronica A Shoffstall

2011-07-23T15:49:00.013+01:00

"She was a very pretty woman. She had dark red hair and her eyes -- her eyes are just like mine, Harry thought, edging a little closer to the glass. Bright green -- exactly the same shape, but then he noticed that she was crying; smiling, but crying at the same time. The tall, thin, black-haired man standing next to her put his arm around her. He wore glasses, and his hair was very untidy. It stuck up at the back, just like Harry's did." - Harry Potter and the Philosopher's stone by J.K Rowling

I have but one question..

photo from fanpop

DOESN'T IT BOTHER YOU THAT DANIEL RADCLIFFE'S EYES ARE BLUE???

I just caught Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 with the 4 Faith girls. The issue regarding his eyes cried out to me more strongly than ever, ranking number 1 on the top of my hate list of scenarios-where-the-movie-completely-deviated-from-the-book. Those eyes were so distracting. In my mind's eye, all i could see was EYES, Y U SO BLUE? EYES, Y U SO BLUE? Blue is a lovely color, but Lily Potter's eyes are supposed to be BRIGHT GREEN! It is one of the most crucial themes of book 7. Surely Potter fans see eye to eye with me on this ):

And of course, i can't believe it's over :( Karon says it is apt that the journey ends just as we are all about to enter a new phase of our lives, and i completely agree. We are literally the generation who grew up with the boy who lived.

2011-07-21T16:08:00.002+01:00

I just thought there ought to be some sort of closure:

I have officially ended my internship and i will no longer be working for the next month or so. I have seen SO much in the last six months. I thank God for every experience, every moment, every encounter with someone new. Good or bad i believe that these things were placed in my life for some reason. They played a divine role in moulding me to be more like the person that God has made me to be.

I am ready to go back to school i think. I have been working under the false premises that one could live unencumbered by financial constraints.. and i'm not quite ready to burst that bubble. Boy, it's good to be young (Y)

2011-07-11T16:44:00.002+01:00

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

2011-07-07T17:16:00.003+01:00

Who am i that i can hope like that.

2011-07-01T17:53:00.014+01:00

With all the energy that i can summon, i give you today:

I have officially joined the rank and file of Singapore's 8-5 industry as an intern at a local law firm. I'm still getting used to the discipline required of working class heroes, for i've been doing shifts for half a year now ..and gotten really comfortable with the immense flexibility and (arguably) slack hours that one enjoys as a part-timer.

My position here is very much different from that i enjoyed at my previous place. I am no longer the JC kid under SAL who had a bunch of other JC kids fooling around with her. I'm the barely-into-law-school student who applied out of the blue, alone. This internship opportunity did not simply fall into my lap, i actually had to fight for it. That automatically makes me feel obliged to fight equally hard to prove myself equally worthy of this opportunity.. and I WILL man up to that.

My prayers for "Someone at work to have lunch with on my first day" were answered. In fact, i was actually given guidance and some sort of working responsibility, which makes me feel like i've been given the chance to experience a teeny, tiny slice of life at the concrete jungle. I am extremely grateful for all these things, for i have grown to understand that guidance and willingness to include is always a gift and never a given.

I met Karon after work at store today. Really missed the comfort, familiarity and general sense of fun at OE. We talked quite a bit before i had to rush off to Yoga class with Jie & Conran. I thought being part of True Yoga would help me to achieve some semblance of work-life balance.. Ohh it did feel good after the shower, but now that i'm home all i really want to do is to roll around in my bed in sheer exhaustion.

My life is constantly changing. So quickly, it scares me sometimes.

I intend to be very brave about the things to come.

2011-06-28T14:38:00.004+01:00

I find that things i take into my own hands tend to screw up in a mildly amusing manner. This cannot be coincidental. It's like God's way of tweeting "Y U NO TRUST ME".

2011-06-27T16:23:00.001+01:00

Inspiration to leave my nails alone :')

2011-06-25T13:30:00.009+01:00

"Whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. True story"

And why is this not working for me?? Falling sick has been such an expensive idea. Im not out there working and earning money any more. On the contrary i've been buying so much stuff off the internet, it's almost vulgar. Because when you're sick and hurting and stuck at home, you tend to delude yourself into buying things that you don't need. There's just this whiney little voice on the inside of you that goes Aww honey you're sick you deserve a brand new purse, when in actual fact you don't. You just need to get well.

God bless international shipping, but oh God help me when my credit card bill comes in.

Online shopping has been the only highlight of my monochromatic weekend. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I just want to get well, to get out of these four walls and breathe a little.

2011-06-20T17:48:00.008+01:00

Someone asked me how my weekend went, and i promptly replied "Good. Really good, actually".

Of late all i can think about is leaving, leaving, leaving ✈✈✈

2011-06-16T14:34:00.017+01:00

I was giggling excessively over the counter during shift today because people on the floor kept saying funny stuff to me in undertones, and i am not good at concealing my emotions. I don't even want to think about how crazy i must have looked - the customers probably thought i was suffering from a mild case of delirium!?! Some day i'll write something proper about my whole experience at OE, but for now i think it's safe to say that i have developed very strong and inexplicable feelings towards OE.. in a way i'd never have imagined possible.

I really like working in the CBD area. It humbles me. The tall buildings, grand offices and the throngs of corporate people that i meet (and greet) every day.. These things never fail to remind me of how minutely insignificant i am in the grander scheme of things. Who am i, really?

In a week's time, the city of London will return my sister back to me~!

ABOUT TIME, JIE - IT'S BEEN A GAWDDAMN MONTH.

2011-06-11T17:03:00.005+01:00

You have searched me, LORD,

and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue

you, LORD, know it completely.

You hem me in behind and before,

and you lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,”

even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, God!

How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand—

when I awake, I am still with you.

If only you, God, would slay the wicked!

Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!

They speak of you with evil intent;

your adversaries misuse your name.

Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,

and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?

I have nothing but hatred for them;

I count them my enemies.

Search me, God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

- Psalms 139

Got down on my knees to pray because i have no idea how everything is supposed to work out anymore. I know that i will hear God in the midst of all this.

2011-06-10T16:40:00.005+01:00

I was doing closing tonight and at the back of my mind i was like WHERE R U EYECANDY WHERE R U EYECANDY. I guess one of the many joys of having an eyecandy is having someone you can periodically obsess over. More specifically, someone that you don't realistically think that you will actually get together with. In that way, you reap certain benefits of being in a relationship without actually having to invest time or emotions. In a while, i'll move on. He'll move on too, never realizing that he dropped by in my life at some point in time. No pomp, no pageantry.. An ideal relationship for a life in transit.

2011-06-05T09:42:00.004+01:00

This was taken awhile ago. Very temporary.

I have been trying to plan another holiday getaway with my friends for quite some time now, then i realized that i neither need nor deserve a holiday.

2011-06-04T11:48:00.005+01:00

"Not all who wander are lost" - J.R.R Tolkien

2011-05-31T14:38:00.020+01:00

Live through this and you won't look back.

I almost lost my temper at work today. I'm really sorry, Karon. I need to avoid bringing uni stress into the workplace. All my hours at work ought to be professional, and devoid of all negative emotions.

CANNOT OPEN MY CAS DOCUMENT? NEED TO DO IELTS? EVIDENCE OF FUNDS? LETTER? WHAT LETTER? HEALTH CHECKUP? WHAT'S THIS SHIT?

Keep calm and carry on, ugh.

2011-05-29T17:41:00.000+01:00

LOL LOL LOL

2011-05-27T17:21:00.015+01:00

NUS Law rejection came in this evening - it was one of those the tribe has spoken moments that exuded a bittersweet sense of peace. I JUST NEEDED TO KNOW. I've been in this limbo ever since the interview letter came in, and the wait (very much like the interview itself) had been excruciatingly long, painful and unnerving.

Currently

1.) My plans: I'll work till July, complete my internship at a firm from July to August, and if all goes well i'll fly off to London in September. Meanwhile, i promise to spend more time with my loved ones and get some good, clean fun before law school consumes the life out of me.

2.) God's plans for me: ??

3.) Actual outcome of events: See 2.)

On hindsight, 2011 has been a really good year. It's the year that i fell out of love, travelled solo, picked up skiing, worked as a bartender, trained to be a barista, got my license, fought for my own internship and finally, finally.. get into law school. All that in less than six months! It has been such a good year, i can longer remember why i've been so afraid to grow up.

2011-05-25T16:18:00.003+01:00

"Now sign here, indicating that I tried to stop you and did so using a stern facial expression."

Season finale )':

2011-05-25T15:14:00.007+01:00

Eton mess @ Oriole Cafe

This traditional English dessert, also said to be among Prince William's favorites, inspired my recent culinary adventure: Project Meringues. Never thought i'd be able to find it in Singapore, but there it was, oh a dessert truly fit for the royals~ ♔♔♔

2011-05-24T15:12:00.001+01:00

Story of my life, damn.

2011-05-19T15:03:00.011+01:00

"The more I know of the world, the more I am convinced that I shall never see a man whom I can really love. I require so much!"
— Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen

When i do fall in love in the end, i don't want to fall hard. I want to fall for a brother and a friend. That should not be hard. That should be easy. Really easy.

2011-05-11T13:35:00.013+01:00

It came to my attention this morning that my brain is beginning to degenerate. I've been guiltily skimming through news articles that appear dull, and i can no longer make economic sense of the money section. I need to start making good use of my half-hour breaks at work by reading, INSTEAD OF SHAMELESSLY FEASTING ON THE STARBUCKS MENU. I've been very busy with work, family and friends.. and consequentially, getting worst and worst at keeping up with texts..D: Still, I feel like taking up classes to learn something new, probably a new sport or language. My life has been a helluva fun ride, but I don't feel intellectually challenged at all.

I finally met up with Tin last evening! Tin is one of the smartest people that i know, and he is like a total bro to me (Y). With him i can do the crap that i don't usually do in front of others, without having to feel like i have to consciously and conscientiously justify my behavior. It's awesome to engage in completely geeky conversations like politics and phyisics with him... I can talk to him for hours on end without getting restless.

I would very much like to write about my college choice with enthusiasm and certainty, but God has not yet given me the mandate to do so. An orange and blue letter came in last week, and the interview outcome of this saturday would no doubt mark the start of a series of emotional battle all over again. I've grown quite tired of hypothetical assumptions, i just want to know where i am supposed to go.. and how long it would eventually take for me to come to a quiet consensus with His plans.

We sent Jolene off to Brisbane on monday. It is the first of many departures to come, i can feel it already. I did not cry because i've grown numb to people walking out of my life.. both physically and emotionally.

2011-05-08T15:00:00.010+01:00

The politically apathetic are the ones who have truly lost the elections.

#sgelections

2011-04-28T16:24:00.021+01:00

ALL MY LIFE I'VE BEEN GOOD,
BUT NOW, WOAHHH
I'M THINKING
"WHAT THE HELL?"

What the hell - literally! This is so, so good.

You can even see the puppy skipping about excitedly in the background. Too cute!

Night out with the girls yesterday! - I still can't believe that i managed to convince myself as well as Cherlyn, Merri and Chloe to get on Riverside Bungee with me. Two years ago i rode on it, and i told myself that i would never ride on it ever again. But there we were last evening, 40m above level ground. I could literally feel my whole weight on the purple harness that was, mind you, detachable with the mere press of a button.

Thought process:

"Sorry guys, i shouldn't have convinced y'all to go through this shit."

"Why on earth did i pay 30 bucks to go through this shit."

"...Oh F"

It was good fun :D

I've been shopping so much from the same UK site, the guy actually mailed me a gift. Attached to it is a hand-written note that says:

"Dear Eliza,

Thanks for buying from us again.

There's a free gift for you.

Many thanks from London.

Steven"

All i wanna say is "SEE YOU IN FOUR MONTHS TIME, STEVEN, WHOEVER YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

2011-04-27T06:53:00.006+01:00

McNally Jackson Books Cafe by Front Studio

(from here)

This is so beautiful :')

When Literature and Architecture collide, it's nothing less than pure magic /*

2011-04-25T17:27:00.001+01:00

The more i work, the more i appreciate and admire the people who work with me.

2011-04-22T14:13:00.004+01:00

I don't think people understand just how much i love the Big Bang Theory.

Every bit of it.

Gawd, i even sing along to the theme song.

2011-04-21T17:22:00.016+01:00

Tuesday: Lou came to meet me for dinner after we both ended work. We talked and walked down the Marina Bay area like homegrown tourists. I realize i don't know many people whom i can walk and talk so carelessly with, the way i am when i'm with Lou. I love you, Lou. I know that you'll eventually come to some sort of quiet consensus with what you want in life/how life turns out to be like. When that happens, know that i've always been here and i'll always be here for you.

Wednesday: I brought my grandma out for a walk because she wanted to see where i worked. I lied that the Grande cappuccino only costed 3 dollars so that she would let me pay. She was quite intrigued by the Starbucks FlavorLock bag, so i bought her a bag of Italian Roast. My grandma used to be a kopitiam auntie so she explained the difference between Kopi-O and Kopi-O-kosong to me. I found out quite a bit about grandma too. She keeps a tortise in her bathroom and feeds them with leftovers of vegetables bought from the wet market. She always holds on to handrails when she climbs the stairs. When given a regular chinese lunch menu, she would pick fried rice over the rest of the dishes. She does not like foam in her coffee. I have to bring her home at 3pm on weekdays so that she can change out and watch her favourite taiwanese drama that runs at 4:30pm. I told her about wanting to study in England. She tells me that she doesn't want me to go abroad to study and i didn't know what to say.

In the evening Jie and I sat side by side and settled our accommodation for England together, exactly the way i'd always envisioned it to be like.

Thursday: Merri, Sherry and Cherlyn dropped by to look for me during work. Shery left first, then Merri. Cherlyn stayed with me till night. When i knocked off, Cherlyn and i started walking around the area. I don't think we had any particular place in mind. We just kind of walked and it felt really good. We stopped by at Haato's, had ice-cream and and talked a lot about the class and about the future. I think that One Fullerton looks breathtakingly beautiful at night.

Jie came to pick me up even though i ended late. She always does. I feel incredibly blessed to have her.

This was from last saturday at Marina Barrage.

I love you 09s18, and i am thankful for each and every single one of you.

I've never been so candid about my life before.

2011-04-16T17:55:00.019+01:00

I am quite touched when people drop by my workplace, because they don't actually have any reason to do so. The common misconception is that baristas get to dish out a large number of free drinks to their loved ones, like water rationing in Tokyo. The reality of the situation is that I wouldn't be able to talk to them, and they have to pay for their own drinks. All they really get to do is to sit around and watch me carry out a series of miscellaneous activities at work, and half the time i am so preoccupied i don't even notice them leaving until they are gone.

Yet they still come.

I just wanted to say thank you guys, i don't deserve any of you :')

I've had two most fantastic days.

@Sentosa @MarinaBarrage

Thankful.

2011-04-16T01:30:00.005+01:00

When i woke up this morning:

"The current status of your application is:

Congratulations! Your place at King's College London (University of London) (K60) to study Law (M100) has been confirmed.

You will receive a Confirmation Letter shortly."

Thank You so much. So, so much. This is everything that i've hoped for since i was fourteen, and to You alone belongs the highest praise.

2011-04-09T08:03:00.007+01:00

You know how it feels like when you're on the verge of getting drunk? It's terrifying. I can surrender everything that i own, but nothing makes me feel quite as vulnerable as having to surrender myself; my emotions, my dreams, my values, my beliefs.. everything that dictates my actions, defines who i am and who i want to be. It's like my whole being ceases to be me for the night, and i just stop existing. What is the point of being right on top of the very world when you don't have, you? So i struggle to save myself as i slowly die on the inside of me.

I got my driving license last evening. 2 demerit points! I almost wanted to hug the traffic police :') We went out drinking after that and i took public transport home because everyone knows that when you drink, don't drive. Irony of my life.

2011-04-07T11:23:00.017+01:00

When the news reporter said "Shopkeepers are opening their doors bringing out blankets and cups of tea" I just smiled. It's like yes. That's Britain for you. Tea solves everything. You're a bit cold? Tea. Your boyfriend has just left you? Tea. You've just been told you've got cancer? Tea. Coordinated terrorist attack on the transport network bringing the city to a grinding halt? Tea dammit! - Jslayeruk, as posted on Livejournal, in response to the July 2005 London subway bombings

This is such an apt description of my understanding of Britain, her people, and their loving relationship with tea. In all the English books that i've read over the years - tea has always been portrayed as a constant source of support and comfort to the British. You can tell when something is an integral part of people's culture because it always reflects in their literature. I like the idea of different people turning to something in common for the support they need in various life situations - i find that extremely endearing.

I've never exactly been a tea person, and i was quite surprised to find that the cup of Dreamtime that i've just drank actually had a calming effect over me. Fun fact #1: Most researches indicate that tea is second only to water as the most popular beverage in the world.

Aww shame on us baristas.

2011-04-06T17:25:00.020+01:00

All i needed to see was a familiar face. Someone who didn't find the sight of me irksome.

Just, a familiar face.

In every fleeting episode of power play, i've learnt to grit my teeth and swallow my pride. I can take all of this with grace knowing that whatever you're doing doesn't change all the good things that God has done, and will do, in my life.

Cherlyn dropped me off at work this afternoon - i was so excited to see HER in a BM(!!!) She's only in town for a few days and i am going to miss her so much when she leaves again. I enjoy being on the car with just my sister or my close friends, it makes me feel all grown-up, secure and loved. I have a list of people i want to drive to interesting places with (Tin, you're definitely one of the top few) - i just can't wait to get my own license.

On a completely irrelevant note, I'm still awake because i am hooked on bloody POCKET FROGS on iphone. This is all your fault, chloe! Hahahaha i have been cross-breeding frogs like crazy, i really want to get that damn set of frogs. This is like my tap zoo obsession all over again why do these things always happen to me!

2011-04-03T15:08:00.002+01:00

I NEED TO STOP CUTTING MY OWN HAIR WHENEVER I'M BORED

2011-04-02T18:16:00.014+01:00

Photos of K&J by Conran

Those tubby little things have grown quite abit

Wish i was there xx

On top of the fact that i can't find time to spend with my loved ones, i constantly feel the need to express my negative emotions about work in the form of incessant chatter, dramatic hand gestures and a general FML facial disposition. This needs to stop before all my friends dump me.

2011-03-31T05:22:00.002+01:00

We look to Yahweh, Yahweh
Our hope is Yahweh, Yahweh
And He shall reign forever
He shall reign forever
He shall reign forever and ever

2011-03-28T14:44:00.018+01:00

Courthouse lane fountain, Auckland

Enter POLONIUS

A double blessing is a double grace,
Occasion smiles upon a second leave.

LORD POLONIUS
Yet here, Laertes! aboard, aboard, for shame!
The wind sits in the shoulder of your sail,
And you are stay'd for. There; my blessing with thee!
And these few precepts in thy memory
See thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportioned thought his act.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledged comrade. Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel, but being in,
Bear't that the opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man,
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are of a most select and generous chief in that.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine ownself be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell: my blessing season this in thee!

- an excerpt from Hamlet Act I Scene III, by William Shakespeare

The Courthouse lane fountain has got to be one of the most underrated attractions in New Zealand. A friend of mine spent two years living in Auckland and he has never heard of the Courthouse lane fountain, much less visited it. I actually asked him three times, each prompt expressed with an undisguised tone of disbelief (which, on hindsight, must have sounded quite snobbish :/). I like the words engraved on the fountain so much. To thine own self be true. How lovely it'd be to walk past it on the way to work, to the shops, to church, to school. I don't think people need to be taught on how to live their lives, but everyone needs a kind reminder sometimes.

Life, of late, can be characterized by a series of short-lived pursuits. It's what i do. I stubbornly devote myself to something so passionately and completely - and for a brief moment nothing else matters but the prize that i've set for myself. Kind of like a sudden head rush or dizzy spell when i stand up too quickly sometimes. I just hope that when i look back in time, i can honestly say that it has been a worthwhile experience. To thine own self be true, eh?

2011-03-27T16:02:00.004+01:00

There's nothing like coming home to an episode of Big Bang Theory.

You know, figuratively speaking.

2011-03-26T01:35:00.004Z

When i leave for England
I'll take my affections along with me

2011-03-20T14:59:00.005Z

@ ClarkeQuay

I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well. - Diane Ackerman

2011-03-20T13:48:00.002Z

2011-03-12T11:42:00.002Z

“I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.” - Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë

2011-03-10T17:32:00.003Z

"If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all"

Aww.

2011-03-10T05:19:00.003Z

For eighteen years of sisterhood, i spent the whole morning at the garbage area of my estate looking for my sister's car keys. We're never gonna live this down, Jie(!)